Monday, February 3, 2014

I'm Snow Grateful


A few days ago I was clearing the snow on my driveway, as most everyone who has a driveway was doing that day.  It was raining and I thought I had better clear off the snow that had accumulated the night before.  I was afraid the several inches of snow that fell would freeze and my car would be trapped in our garage until Spring. In any case, because it was raining the snow pack was very heavy.  Fatigue set in quickly.  The rain soaked my coat and I was sweating profusely, but I was determined to clear the heavy wet snow before it froze and became ice.

As I started grumbling and speaking my frustrations out loud, I remembered that this was one of those times that gratitude was necessary.  I remember hearing someplace that gratitude is easy when life is going your way, but not so easy to find when it's not.  Whoever said that was so right about that.  You see,  I had started a while back...and then recently re-started a gratitude journal in hopes to bump up my positivity and happiness quotient during an emotional slump.   Here I was presented with a test.  Thankfully, I took the challenge.  So I stopped in the middle of the driveway, closed my eyes, took a deep breath, quieted my thoughts and searched my mind and soul for gratitude.

The weirdest thing I noticed was the silence beneath all the sound.  Below the sound of snowblowers and traffic, was the sound of my breath, the winter breeze, and the creaking of tree limbs under the weight of ice. Underneath that was a stillness... and in that stillness was where I found gratitude.

A pure realization that I was "just darn lucky" to be here swept over me.  The cold breeze that blew icy rain across my face felt somehow like something I had never felt before-a curiosity rather than a burden.   I felt lucky to have my health and my body...lucky to be warm...to have a driveway and a shovel to clean it.  I felt lucky to have a home with heat,  and a relatively safe place to live.

Don't get me wrong.  It was still work.  I still felt wet, cold and tired, but my emotional attitude changed about the situation.   I still had to stop a few times, catch my breath and thank my Maker for all that is good in this world, but I was living in that moment...really alive, not looking forward in time, angry at the weather and wishing for different circumstances.  There was a distinct positive change in me.

In the past I've found myself endlessly running negative "what if" scenarios in my brain based on fact, experience, as well as supposition.  While shoveling snow in the rain may seem banal and unremarkable, for me it was an "aha moment".    There has always been doubt in me about the veracity of the power of positive thinking and the whole "happy thoughts" business.  It's Pollyanna mentality has always been compelling to me and at times excruciatingly annoying.  I'd always been taught to be grateful, but just like I said, it can be tough when things aren't going your way.

That day was a reminder (I am one who needs them constantly) of the gifts that life has given me, because things could easily be a lot worse.  That day I found myself with  so may things to be thankful for, I was able to finish my task with energy left over. (I'm actually still sore from all that shoveling-and I'm no slouch when it comes to working out.)

So hats off to the "happy thoughts" crowd and to the power of positive thinking.  Hopefully I don't forget, but I'm certain that if I do I'll receive another reminder.

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