A Look Back - Part 3

This is the third part in a short series.  The intent is to try (not sure I did it this time) to keep the blog entries brief.  You can read parts 1 and 2 in the archive.

PART 3

Face
Maria B. Davis

I re-discovered several things about myself - like how driven I can be.  When I believe in something, I am stubbornly loyal and work towards that end.  I tend to be a workaholic.  I am a self proclaimed "generalist",  learning about a wide range of subjects and sharing that information with others.  I have a knack for "creating something from nothing".  This knack, as it turns out, is a running theme in my life that I only discovered in retrospection.  So many times in my life I was given the charge and latitude to mold and create my own opportunities as I believed they should or could be.  During those years, I had, perhaps arguably, created an enviable portfolio of experience.  I worked harder than I think I had ever in my entire life.  I volunteered heavily in my community, even helping to found a couple non-profit organizations.  I was an exhibiting artist, an event producer and director, with events ranging from small fundraisers to large events meant to attract thousand from around the region.  I even learned how to swordfight and with my fellow swordfighters held demonstrations both inside and outside our community.  

The last few years have been a productive period, full of new and varied experiences.  My circle of associates has enlarged to include those involved in politics and government, retired individuals, tech geeks, performers, artists and business owners.  Unfortunately, I found that my family life suffered.  I had gotten lured into the idea of trying to outdo myself.  I had also unwittingly trapped myself in a game of community politics and forgotten the reason I had started my journey.  I continued to carry the insecurity of not holding a "9-5" job.  No matter how many projects, how many part-time jobs, no matter how long and hard I worked, there was always a sense that my time was somehow not as valuable as someone who worked on a "regular" basis.   I even felt it when I was working part-time 20 hours a week, running to get my kids, taking care of their needs and then working into the wee hours of the morning to get my community projects done.  Many times I was just expected to just accomplish tasks in my volunteer projects, without being asked.    It had gotten to the point where my productivity seemed to signal to those around me that I had too much time on my hands when in reality it was tearing my life apart.  I tried to pass this off as something that didn't affect me, even though off hand comments made me cringe and many times I felt disrespected.  I value my volunteer work.  It contributes to the quality of life in my community, creates investment in it,  encourages social innovation, and it can be time intensive.    I am always grateful to those who acknowledge time as an important investment and I try to acknowledge that investment by people as well.   Still, every time someone introduced themselves and said,  "Hi my name is (insert name here).  I'm a (insert paid position here).  What do you do?",  all my answers, although true, did not express the breadth of who I am and what I do.  When I worked in the corporate world it was simple to say where I worked, who I worked for and what specific tasks I did.  My job was what took the vast majority of my day.  Currently that time is filled with a multitude of different things, different places, many different people and diversely different tasks.  I guess I just haven't figured out a way to succinctly state what I do, probably because much of what I do overlaps with who I am and that's where my purpose exists.   Someone once looked at me quizzically in a meeting and said, "So what is it exactly that you do?"  Giggles started and someone chimed, "The question is not what she does, it's what doesn't she do.".  I smiled sheepishly, was a bit flattered, but felt like an odd duck without a name.

A Look Back - Part 2

This is the second part in a short series.  The intent is to keep the blog entries brief.  You can read part 1 in the archive.

PART 2

Hiding Amidst The Reeds
Maria B. Davis

I mentioned that I have a creative streak.  I guess that's obvious if you call yourself an artist.  (That is a blog post in itself.)  My creative streak is also coupled with a need for accomplishment.  I'm not saying that having my children wasn't an accomplishment.  In fact, I believe having them was the most creative and best thing I ever did, hands down.  After over a decade of marriage, my second and last child entered elementary school.  Shortly after a few more years of volunteering at school, I decided to get back to my roots and fill that time without children with artistic endeavors and some community service.  I became engaged with my community in a way I had never been before.  I embarked on several different projects, some of which still continue today.  Some projects were left behind to open the way for others.    Throughout this process I felt, and at times still feel, the weight of the stereotype of the "stay at home mom".  The name itself is a misnomer for most moms I know - vibrant women who have interests and projects outside of the home.   I have flexible hours, accepting freelance work, so I was and am more available at times when many people aren't.   I know that I am very lucky to be able to be flexible and it was a choice and an agreement made, based on personal and family beliefs and convictions. 

A Look Back - Part 1

In an effort to keep this blog entry shorter, I've split  "A Look Back" into 5 separate posts.

PART 1

In The Beginning
Maria B. Davis

In 1995, I decided to leave corporate life to get married, have children and stay home to care for them.  Prior to that,  I was doing pretty well as a single gal.  I had a home, two cars and cats, but there was something missing.  After discovering my soon to be husband, I realized that I was missing true love.  Don't get me wrong, it was hard to leave my single life.  I would be relinquishing much of what I worked for... for love.  Perhaps I was a hopeless romantic only to be possibly crushed later by a messy divorce?  It was a risk, a leap of faith.  Leaving my job was a difficult decision, but at the time, I had invested myself in it so much that it had become my life.  It felt insular and at times stifling.  I yearned for something more and found it in my, then, new husband.  Together we decided on a "traditional" family where Mom stayed home and Dad went to work.  That is an oversimplification, but works here for now.

My strong creative streak wanted to make sure that creativity was an essential part of my family's life.  I had visions that my children and I would experience joy and enlightenment learning and creating together.  Needless to say, the universe decided that my plan was far too simplistic, and fate decided to make new plans for me.

A Beginning

I had to start somewhere and I suppose this is as good a place as any...

There are as many views of the world as there are people.  This is just one view amidst a sea of others with the intent of simply sharing.